


Steve's strange new friend

by spaceparanoia



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Crack, Crack Crossover, Crossover, Gen, Humor, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-09
Updated: 2015-03-09
Packaged: 2018-03-17 03:59:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,222
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3514547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/spaceparanoia/pseuds/spaceparanoia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve babysits Thranduil as he somehow gets zapped into MCU.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Steve's strange new friend

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fic. Also, English is not my first language. This is a short one shot, not to be taken seriously.

There was a sound. _Zap!_  
  


 A man appeared out of nowhere. It was very early in the morning, right before the dawn break. The mysterious figure started turning around in harsh movements, quickly gathering in his surroundings. It was a strange place, something he had never seen before. In our world, we would describe it as a park. It had trees, it had little paths, it had benches to sit on. It also had a pool of water and a giant obelisk rising into the sky. The man was startled, to say the least.

 

There was another figure running towards the Mystery Man. The new figure was unsuspecting of the mystery man and was simply doing his usual morning run around the park. He moved really fast and in seconds he appeared close to the Mystery Man. He slowed down.

 

The new man was startled, to say the least. Captain Steve Rogers would say that nothing in this world could surprise him anymore, but there he was, surprised as heck. First he stood looking at the Mystery Man, uncertain what to say. The Mystery Man was tall with a regal posture. He had long white hair falling down to his waist, and black, otherwordly eyebrows. He was dressed in what Steve could only describe as a shiny dress.

 

„Rough night at the theater, buddy?“ Steve attempted a joke. He thought the Mystery Man's attire belonged in a theater show. It was a lame joke. Steve was aware of it.

„I am afraid I do not understand you,“ the Mystery Man replied, gaining back his composure and staring Steve down.

„Are you lost, sir? Is there any way I can help you?“ Steve offered.

„It seems to be the case I am unaware of my surroundings. I wonder if you would be so kind to inform me?“ the Man asked.

„It's the National Mall in Washington DC... United States of America?“

„Where in the Middle-Earth am I?“ the Mystery Man demanded answers.

„Middle-Earth? I don't think I know... What's your name, sir?“

„My name is Thranduil Oropherion, the King of the Woodland Realm. And who might you be?“

„Captain Steve Rogers, sir. Nice to meet you. Listen, do you wanna grab a cup of coffee so you can tell me more about your... problem?“ Steve offered.

„Coffee? What is coffee?“ Thranduil asked.

„Oh just you wait and see, son.“ Steve replied, smiling.

* * *

Steve saw a lot of unsual things lately so he couldn't just let this pass without informing Nick Fury about it. He assumed Fury would know what to do with his strange guest. However, it seemed Fury had no idea where this man could have come from, and the best idea he and Steve got is that Thor might be playing a practical joke on them. Steve tried asking Thranduil if he knew Thor, to which he found out that Thranduil knew a person named Thror who was a 'nibin-naug' and the disgrace of all living things in the Middle-Earth. He muttered something about heirlooms and starlight. Steve didn't understand a thing. Fury then suggested that, until they get a hold of Thor, Thranduil stays with Steve in his apartment.

 

Steve didn't think this would be too difficult, but the first trouble came from trying to get Thranduil out of his dress. Steve's t-shirts were usually very tight on him and they were even tighter on his new friend. Next problem was Thranduil's hair which was extremely long and white, and unlike Steve, straight. It would attract too much attention. Steve then decided he won't let Thranduil leave his apartment at all.

* * *

„What is this?“ Thranduil picked up a rectangle shaped device from Steve's desk.

„That's a mobile phone,“ Steve said, and Thranduil lifted an eyebrow. Steve thought this took quite an effort since it was so massive. „It's for calling people,“ Steve added.

„You are saying that I can use this to call my son?“ Thranduil looked puzzled, holding the device in his hand.

„Well you can try, do you have his numb-“

„LEGOLAS!“ before Steve could finish his sentence, a loud and strong voice filled his apartment. „LEGOLAS THRANDUILION, IT IS YOUR FATHER SPEAKING.“

 

Steve could only facepalm. Trying not to laugh, he explained that it doesn't really work this way. Thranduil could only look at him in confusion. „But you said to call. So I did.“

* * *

„Is your son a small boy?“ Steve tried to start a conversation. Thranduil didn't look very old. He must be a very young king, as he claimed he is.

„He is not a boy anymore, but he is very young, yes. Merely 800 years of age. He's in that age where he likes to defy authorities,“ there was a certain melancholy in his voice.

„What kind of men are you?“ Steve asked in shock. To normal standards Steve was an anomaly, being 96 and not looking a day over 30, but what Thranduil was saying was something completely else.

„Men? How dare you insult me. We are no men. We are elves. High elves of Middle-Earth,“ he said with a certain pride in his voice.

„Are you sure you're not related to Thor?“ was the only thing Steve could think of to reply.

* * *

Steve thought it would be a good thing to order some food and watch tv while waiting for Fury to call him. It seemed that Thranduil knew nothing of this world and, let's be real, Steve wasn't an expert either. He thought the best thing would be to stay in.

 

„Wanna beer?“ Steve offered.

„Beer is for filthy Naugrim. I never made a habit of drinking it.“

„Well, that's the only thing I have so take it or leave it.“

„I will take it.“

 

Even elves sometimes need a drink. Steve needed a drink too.

* * *

„What is this?“ Thranduil asked.

„It's a television set. There's a game on,“ Steved said excitedly. He loved baseball and was always happy to catch a game on tv.

„What is a television set?“ Thranduil stared at him quizically.

„It's a device... with people in it.“ Steve had no idea how to explain this.

„There are people inside?“ Thranduil looked shocked. „But it's so... thin!“

 

He got so close to the screen that Steve thought he was gonna go blind. Thranduil was tapping on the screen, muttering something Steve could not decipher.

 

Some people have a cat, and Steve had an elf.

* * *

It was when Steve was completely flustered with explaining everything to Thranduil when he thought about just dropping him off at Tony's. The thought of it amused Steve immensely and he would probably do it if he didn't hear the door bell. Thranduil raised his head in alert and looked at Steve. Steve got alarmed a bit too, but he was relieved when he saw that it was only Natasha.

 

„So Fury's telling me you got a new roommate?“ she said with a mocking tone in her voice.

„You don't know the half of it...“

 

Steve took Natasha to kitchen while leaving Thranduil to watch TV in the living room. He told Natasha everything he knew about this strange man. Natasha looked amused, but she didn't know anything more helpful either. So she decided to take things in her own hands. Steve lingered in the kitchen while Natasha sat on the couch next to Thranduil.

 

„Steve tells me you're not from around here.“

„It appears I am not,“ Thranduil said, a bit absently, his eyes glued on the TV screen.

„How did you end up here, exactly?“

Thranduil took his eyes off TV and looked at Natasha. There was a small shade of fear in his eyes. „I don't know.“

„Well what's the last thing you can remember?“

„I was walking in my garden, having a serene early morning, watching the beloved stars giving way to sunlight. All of a sudden, I was here.“

„And your garden is... where?“

„In my Woodland Realm, in Eryn Lasgalen, one of the last remaining great forests of Middle-Earth,“ Thranduil explained, but it left Natasha only more confused.

She sighed. „Did Thor put you up to this?“

* * *

Natasha was sitting at Steve's computer (not that Steve used it much), video calling Tony. She didn't think Tony would be of particular help but he did know a lot of things and he's always doing some kind of research so he might have caught something that would explain Thranduil's sudden appearance.

 

„Cap, what is it?“ Tony answered the call, not looking at the screen.

„Stark. I have a question for you,“ Natasha replied.

„Oh, miss Rushman! Didn't expect to see you there. I'm convinced Jarvis said that Steve was calling.“

„Please don't go 'miss Rushman' on me again. Listen, I'm at Steve's and-“

„I don't wanna know anything about it.“

„Listen to me. When you were scanning for electromagnetic activity, did you notice anything strange going on early this morning?“

Tony looked away from whatever he was doing and looked at the screen. „There was a tiny ripple, I thought it was a setup malfunction. Why do you ask?“

 

Natasha rolled away in her chair and turned the computer so the camera caught Steve and Thranduil. Steve waved.

 

„Is that your new boyfriend, Cap?“ Tony attempted being funny.

„Not now, Tony,“ Steve said, turning his head away. Thranduil looked at him awkwardly. Natasha brought Tony up to speed. It seemed that Tony noticed a certain anomaly but he didn't have enough data to find out what it actually was. It was a tiny piece of information, but it still didn't tell them much about what happened.

 

„Are you guys sure Thor didn't send him?“ Tony pointed at the camera, as if he was pointing at Thranduil. Thranduil rolled his eyes.

* * *

It was evening and Steve was unsure how this whole day passed. He was also nervous because Fury didn't call him yet. How hard could it be to locate Thor?

 

„When the man in the box asked if I am your boyfriend, what did he mean?“ Thranduil asked.

„That we are romantically engaged with each other,“ Steve had no more patience to be tactful.

„And do you... romantically engage yourself with other men?“

„I did once,“ Steve suddenly felt very tired.

„What happened to him?“

„He died.“

 

Thranduil chose not to speak any further. The pain of losing his wife was still too real and hew knew what this man was going through. Some things are better left unsaid.

 

Suddenly, a loud roll of thunder startled them both.

 

 _Finally,_ thought Steve. And what do you have it, five minutes later Fury called him telling him to come to SHIELD as quickly as possible.

* * *

You gotta admit that Thor had style. He made the sky go all loud while illuminating everything for a fraction of a second. Steve thought the only reason he took so long today is so that his entrance could look more flamboyant.

 

Steve rushed Thranduil out of the apartment and ran to get his motorbike. Thankfully, Thor did the thunder, but he wasn't very big on bringing the rain. When Steve told Thranduil to sit on the bike, Thranduil gave him a death stare.

 

„What is this strange contraption?“ Thranduil's eyes were open wid, showing something that was a mixture of absolute horror and utter disbelief.

„It's a motorcycle!“

„Its name is as horrible as it looks.“

„Just sit, son, we don't have a lot of time.“

„Where I come from, we ride on elks.“

 

There was nothing in the world that Steve wanted more than for all of this to end.

* * *

When Steve and Thranduil arrived at SHIELD, there was nothing that Steve could say to Thranduil to prepare him for what he was about to see. Endless gadgets and screens things way weirder than the television.

 

Thor was waiting them in full war attire, his red cape floating behind him, muscles on full display. He smirked.

 

„I was told that you captured a man who claims to be my friend,“ Thor said.

„Nobody said he was captured. And he didn't say he was your friend, per se. Our Captain here took a good care of him,“ Fury glanced at Steve.

Thor turned to Thranduil to take a better look at him.

 

„Some cousin of yours?“ Fury asked.

„I have never seen this man in my life,“ Thor stated.

 

Fury was furious.

 

So was Thranduil.

 

„I am an elf! A high born elf of Middle-Earth!“ he yelled. „How dare you compare me to mortals? Their hearts are threacherous and easily deceived!“

„Easy there, son,“ Steve tried to calm the situation. Thor and Thranduil were almost touching with their noses.

„The jest is on you, for I am not a mere mortal either,“ Thor smirked.

„And what are you?“ Thranduil squinted at Thor.

„Playboy, billionare, philantropist?“ Thor replied.

 

Steve lifted his finger to interrupt, but opted not to. It was futile.

 

There was a sound. _Zap!_

 

Thor stood back in surprise. The man he was arguing with moments before was nowhere to be seen. He looked at Steve, then he looked at Fury. Then they all stared at each other, speechless. He was gone. Just like that.

 

Steve's phone rang.

 

„Hey, I caught another one of those anomalies just moments ago,“ said Tony.

„Yeah, we know,“ said Steve, a pang of sadness in his voice.


End file.
